The bachelor party

So, I arrived in Ohio on Friday. After my parents picked me up from the airport, I headed back to their house, showered, changed and headed out. My brothers and their friends were at the Diamond Lodge in Rootstown, so I met them up there. It was a pretty nice looking strip club as were the women working there. Nothing much exciting to report other than a few interchanges with a few dancers and Dianne’s drunkenness. Dianne is an old friend of my sister’s. I’m not sure exactly how she ended up at the bachelor party and not the bachelorette party, but she was entertaining regardless. She was pretty drunk and was harassing people outside. I think she was trying to pick a fight actually. Nothing happened though. Anyway. So, I happened to go up to the stage with my brother Adam and Andrew (Adam’s future brother-in-law). There was a girl dancing named Emily (same as my sister, so it was easy to remember). She does her thing and extracts a dollar from me, whatever. So, she comes over later that night and asks me if I want a dance. I told her, “Nah, I’m good. I’m not very impressed with your dancing skills.” She was like, “What?” I said, “Well, when you shake your ass, you are not supposed to use your hands. You are supposed to use your ass muscles.” I think she weakly tried to show me that she can and I was like nah again. She got all flustered and walked away. All the guys I was with just busted up laughing.

So, on to the exciting stuff.

We left the next day around 2 pm to drive down to Salt Fork state park near Columbus. It was a long drive, but we entertained ourselves on the way. Hurray for McMobile rum and Coke! We got there, checked in and dicked around for a bit. There was a small doe and her fawn that came up behind our room. We were on the 2nd floor and they were right below us.

View from balcony

View from balcony

We then went down to the lake. I should say we traversed our way down. It was quite steep and treacherous to get down to the water from the lodge where we were staying. There was lots of fun stuff to climb on; rock faces, trees, boulders, etc. So, once we got down there, Anthony jumped in the water. The rest of us were content to just sit on some rocks in the water and chill. At one point, my brother Jake and Anthony started throwing rocks and sticks at each other. Much splashing and hilarity did ensue.

We headed back up to the room and “shaved” Adam’s head. The prank was to put a bald cap on him, add makeup and some shaving cream and then send the pic of him passed out bald to his fiancee at about 2-3 in the morning. Well, let’s just say she freaked out just a little too much. I guess we did a pretty convincing job. What do you think?

Adam bald head

Adam bald head

We went and had a kick ass dinner in the dining room at the lodge. We then left on our quest for the Fox Hole strip club that was in Zanesville, about an hour away. We were a bit apprehensive once we got to the town. It looked pretty ghetto when we first entered it. It seemed to get a bit nicer once we were further in though, so it seemed promising. We still figured that a place with a name like Fox Hole, it was probably going to be a bit on the seedy side. Well, we got there and found it was indeed! So, we see the building was some sort of 100 year old partially decaying monstrosity. Mind you the entrance area looked like something out of a horror movie. I led the guys in, clutching a case of Bud Light. It was very dark with one dim light over the counter. It looked like a poker scene from a gangster movie where the table is lit up but the people around it are all in the shadows. This was supposedly a full nude place that let you BYOB for an extra $5. So, we each parted with $10 and were given 2 buckets in which to put our beer. Once we filled them up, they topped them with ice. The 2 dudes at the counter were pretty hick too. One of them even asked me if he could have a beer.

So, 23 beers left, we headed up the rickety old wooden stairs. We get to the top and it opened into a pretty large and much nicer looking room. The tiny little thing that was on the stage was seriously working that pole. It was at least 10 if not 15 feet high and this girl was on it like a spider monkey. If this girl was born to do one thing, it was to work that pole. So, we are sitting at this table at the end of the stage watching from a far. There didn’t seem to be that many women there. There were also only like 3-4 dudes in there at this point also (not including our group of 5). Well, more women did eventually come out from the back when it was their time to stage dance. They certainly fit the place. I will describe them a bit more later. So, we were largely ignored until we made our way up to the stage. Dollar bills went a flying and Bud Lights consumed. I asked one of the dancers why they are not fully nude and she said, something about the laws have changed. Well, that wasn’t quite worth $10 now was it? At least we had our own stockpile of beer. I also mentioned to one of the girls that it was Adam’s bachelor party. So, they called him on stage and sat him in a chair that was up against the pole. Let the hazing and beatings begin.

Stage one. Song, something with lyrics chanting you’re stupid. The first girl was kinda of amazon. She was definitely bigger than Adam. Not obese, but just a large framed girl. She sat on his lap and started violently dry grudge fucking him. I think his head actually hit the pole on the first thrust. This girl looked like she was trying to break his dick, or maybe him. Her daddy must have really beat her when she was young. They took their turns doing various lap/pole dances with him. Spider monkey actually came down the pole head first into his lap. These girls weren’t fucking around and they were good at what they did.

Stage two. Make him get down on all fours and beat him with Jake’s belt. These girls must have learned a lot from their daddy’s cause they really whipped his ass. They even let 250 pound Anthony get up and have a few whacks too. Adam actually said the girls hit him harder. hahaha!

Ok, time for the manager’s special. 2 for 1. So, for $30 you get a private dance for 2 songs. I motioned for Spider Monkey to take Adam for a dance. Then the only blond dancer came over and asked me if I wanted a dance. I said, “No, you just want my money.” She was like, “No, I think you are cute.” I know I’m cute, but I knew she probably says that to anyone that is a hard sell. She said, something about me not being from around here and I made her guess. She did guess that I was from California on the first try. I did look somewhat Hollywood that night. I think we were probably the only guys in there that had all their teeth also. So, I said what the hell and she led me back to the private booth. Adam and Spider Monkey were already back there. So, Blondie started doing the lap dance for me. I noticed that her nipples were in serious need of some lotion. They felt like sandpaper on my face. I come to find out that in this club they have to put a bandage type thing over their nipples and also over the vaginal opening. I guess it is ok to show your clit and labia, but not the hole. Kinda strange. Anyway, so Adam was sitting across from me and I was able to watch his lapdance also. So our 2 songs finished and Spider Monkey came over to ask me if I was paying for his dance. I parted with $60 (what a rip) for both dances. Then they were on their way to the back room. Probably to do some more lines or something. We stayed a bit longer and finished our beer then headed back to the lodge.

The next day, we headed to my buddy Carl’s cabin on Lake Mohawk. We went out on his ski boat. He had a tube, wakeboard and skis. We started making our first pass around the lake. Halfway through we were waved down by 2 drunk girls on a jet-ski. Anthony jumped into the water and swam over to them. He tried getting up on the jet-ski and ended up tipping it over and dumping them off. One of the girls somehow lost her bikini bottoms in the process. Her and the friend were trying to figure out what to do about it. Luckily for them, the other girl was wearing shorts over her bikini bottoms and they swapped things around. We started tying the jet-ski to our boat so we could tow them to the dock. Lake patrol came over to see what was happening. He probably thought we were a bunch of idiots, especially when we almost ran the boat into the rocks on the shore. Apparently we weren’t paying attention to the fact we were drifting too close to shore. We finally got them back to the dock and blew up the tube. I went first. It was quite fun. Anthony was next. Then Adam. Until the damn cover on the tube split and came off. So much for that. Now onto the wakeboard and skis. Nobody but Carl was able to get up on either of them. So, we ended up with Anthony trying to ski barefooted and then he gave up and we were dragging him through the water on his back. It was hilarious. It looked like a water fountain behind the boat. We headed back to shore and then back to the cabin. Then it was off for home. Ahh, what a fun weekend.

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