So, my buddy Carl sent me this link today: 3 wolf shirt (This will open in a new window)
The customer reviews and the “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought” sections are fucking hilarious. Read some of them first before you continue.
So, this inspired me to write my own mock review. The actual one I submitted to Amazon should appear in 48 hours if it is approved (if you read any of the ones already on the site, I doubt I will have any problem). Without further ado:
So, I was compelled to give this shirt a try from all the rave reviews that everyone had on it. So, I got the shirt and immediately put it on. I felt so much more manly than I ever have in my life. I decided to go take a walk. I just so happened to be passed by Chuck Norris and his wife. She took one look at me and immediately ripped my pants off and started servicing me right there on the sidewalk to Chuck’s dismay. Well, of course, this really pissed him off. So, he yanked her away from me by her hair and setup in a Kung-Fu stance. Well, I wasn’t sure if he was pissed about the BJ I just got from his wife, or if he was just trying to get my awesome 3 wolf shirt. Well, either way, I wasn’t having any of it (besides his wife didn’t finish me off yet). So, I jumped and kicked him in the face. His beard flew right off! I couldn’t believe it!!!! Was this for real? Am I dreaming? Is the 3 wolf shirt so magical that I could actually have a chance to take out Chuck Norris? Well, I don’t know the answers to all those questions but here is what ensued. Chuck was powerless without his beard (or was it the shirt?). So, punches flew and kicks were landed and other body parts went flying about. After exactly 3 minutes, Chuck Norris lay on the sidewalk as a puddle of goo, teeth and splintered bones. I couldn’t believe that I actually just pummeled him to death! Well, his wife was a bit shocked too, but this caused her to erupt with passion. She rode the wolf like you have never seen, right there on the sidewalk!!! Ron Jeremy had nothing on me. Actually, I think the shirt made things grow better than the Enzyte I have been taking. So, I must say, this shirt is amazing, but please exercise caution when wearing it. You never know who you will have to kill or what lady will attack you. Granted you will be able to rip anyone apart while wearing it, but that is no excuse to do so. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.